31 January, 2010

Anybody like nobody

Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice.

I really believed that once I put myself out there, explore my options and have some fun, I will forgive and forget, move on and be happier. Now, I have mostly forgotten, there are options, but I got disappointed in so many ways.

 Let me explain, since I fell in love with Mr. Perfect - the love of my life, who during last year and a half or so became more of a "guy who is not realizing that he lost me forever" - Mr. Only a Banker.

I have finally given into the other guys, who I ignored for the past couple of years because I was Ouu so in love with Mr. Only a Banker now. There were three guys who I gave some attention - so I decided to do a sort of a research, date them all for a while to see who will try the hardest and eventually maybe even make me believe in love again. Boy was I wrong.

There was a Mr. Cool Guy. At first I liked this guy the most because he seemed smart, with good head on his shoulders, athletic and good looking, he cared about his friends and family a lot and seemed to be a gentleman which totally won me over. I have started to genuinely care about him, but than once we got to know each other better - he slowly revealed his primitive side. He was only interested in one thing, he seemed intimidated with my independence and his ego started to hurt. ELIMINATED.

 Next, there is Mr. Athlete. Mr. Athlete is a special of the three. It all started very casually and friendly. I have never taken him seriously as he is traveling a lot, could not trust anything he said because he gave the impression that women are objects for him and that he picks/buys them like I would pair of shoes - but with much less consideration, focusing only on visual appeal. However, as I got to know him better, I realized this is just a mask he is wearing to protect himself from being used. He is very talented and artistic in more than just his sport. He is very fun to be around, down to earth and emotional, although he is trying to play it cool. One huge thing that goes against him is that he is not trying to get to know me at all other than physically, he is not reliable, and I have started to miss him and care for him to much. PENDING ELIMINATION.

The last but not the least is Mr. Nice Guy. He is the one who I was curious about the most as we both got out of bad relationships and we both were and are scared to get emotional. Mr. Nice Guy is good looking, ambitious with what he does and very calm, really genuinely a nice guy. There was a lot of chemistry between us at first. Than I was indecisive between the three. I felt like he is also multiple dating, so it kind of watered down. We started to see each other more often now so we will see, lately he has shown me a lot of his qualities but there are still some doubts in my head as I am still unclear of what is exactly that I want. TBD.

 I realize that I might be looking for a lot, but I really believe that there is ONE guy who is ambitious, good looking, creative and confident enough not be intimidated by my independence and who will except me as I am - with all my drama, everything I do and don't do, my passions and my fears.

Because dating just anybody is like dating nobody and I want HIM to be somebody.


" Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the common place, the slaves of the ordinary."
~Cecil Beaton~

24 January, 2010

Life ain't no fairytale

         I was talking to a number of my female friends recently and there is a common thread in the way they talk about relationships, man and their expectations - its caution. It seems that in our age (mid twenties) we get hit with cultural expectations of finishing college, starting to work and becoming a wife and a mother. Our own expectations of having a career of our dreams, staying good looking and skinny, to continue to have careless fun as we did during college all while transitioning in the grown ups world where we are responsible for our actions and the consequences of them. While we were growing up our mothers have read us stories about often poor women being saved from evil and troubles by a handsome young rich man on a white horse who liked her because she is so young and pretty with a rosy cheeks, cooking, cleaning but being bullied by a jealous women, step sisters or an evil witch. Seriously???
             How do we expect young man and women to be prepared for a real life, heartbreak and disappointments when we are programming young women from an early age that the only way to live happily ever after is to marry a rich man and have no ambition, and putting a pressure on young boys that the only way for them to marry a good looking and kind women is to earn/inherit a lot of money and save her from all the evils. Let’s be real.

    Why don't they make children books to teach kids to respect people and treat them equally no matter how rich they are, what’s their religion or color of their skin. Create Barbie who is a single mother, successful business women and has children or Ken who is gay, black or a Muslim???
      Why don't we teach the kids not to bully others in school because they are poor, fat or have a lisp??? Being programmed with all the fairytales and protected from the reality in young age did us no good. Today when lies and cheating in relationship and marriage is more of a rule that exception it is crucial that we are prepared. Men in mid twenties often crack under pressure and lack the maturity and women seem to get so disappointed by numerous heartbreaks that they start acting like men do or on the other hand they overwhelm a man with care and attention so much that they dedicate all their time to the relationship only - which results in a pressure for a man who looks for his way out, scared of commitment and of not fulfilling her expectations.

Most of my girlfriends are in the phase I mentioned first - we act like man do now, maintaining a superficial relationship, dropping them before it becomes too serious in a fear of a heartbreak.

Their must be a better way...more balanced middle...or are we still just kissing frogs and our prince is yet to come?


21 January, 2010

In 2010. I will......

   Sometimes relationships are like those organic granolas you have for healthy breakfast the first week of the execution of your New Years resolution when you are still running at 6 am, sleeping your full 8 hours, carrying bottled water around at work, eating funny packaged organic food which before you could hardly even pronounce and religiously counting how many times a day you poop.

This is all while you are still motivated and well spirited about it all and believing in it, and before the actual muscle and joint pain from not stretching and over exhausting your body after living like a mess for past how many months? – and eventually quitting and going back to bad old habits.

Why so negative? It doesn’t need to be necessarily.
The similarity of it is that we do NOT need to go back to old destructive habits, nor we need to enter the relationships that our hunch is telling us will not finish well. This is like adding spoiled milk to those already wood chips tasting organic granolas.
We still get involved in such relationships, which are doomed to fail, because it is the easy way out of “bad, avoid by all cost - singleness”.

On the other hand, it every so often happens that one is in a good quality relationship promising to end with “happily ever after” tale – and is so blind and ungrateful, maybe scared of not fulfilling the expectations until one looses it all for good and than realizes it years to late, although there are some who lack self reflection so much that they never see any own miss-outs at all and blame it all on “holly destiny”. My dears, this is equal to bing eating after working your but off in the gym – self destructive and stupid.

Casualty of above often takes up another approach to dating and relationships.

It is called: Oh so disappointed with all man “stay cool bitch” approach. This approach brings you man salivating all over your Manolos ladies, but it doesn’t allow you to be yourself – although all this acting might bring you Oscar if you are in entertainment business ;) We do it because we want to stay in the loop and feel man’s attention (many man – plural), but are not ready to get much physical, emotional and “relationshipish” so we just drop them while they are still hot and still working hard to prove themselves worthy of your time.

This is all while healing and rebounding heavily – and anticipating that one “real man” who will provide you with comfort, protection, honesty and safe emotional haven we are all longing to have in a man. Just like we are all striving to keep that New Years resolution just a bit longer than last year at least!

“One step at a time…there’s no need to rush its like learning to fly or falling in love…”


~ Kat