Big Apple for Xmass

Finally it is here! Since early this summer I have patiently counting the hours, crossing out the days and ripping out the month pages on my fancy Paris calendar and finally there it came –the December! The picture on the page was of the Eiffel tower with a young couple kissing right under it and snow all around them…all over the part of the page where the days are marked I wrote: "2 weeks with Ante! Yaaaay! (with little hearts all around it)"ouhh I can't even tell you how eager I was for the 20th of December to finally come!

Work was stressful, I traveled some, had a lot of deadlines but I did everything fast thinking, if I hurry up, the days would go by faster as well. The anticipation was growing, I slept through weekends, the number of my weekly visits to the gym at least tripled, I waxed my legs and endured excruciating pain, did my nails, went tanning regularly and was completely packed a week ahead of time, all wishing to finally, finally spend some long waited and definitely much deserved time with my boyfriend. Two whole weeks, I thought! Days and nights- just a two of us! Yaaaay, heaven!

It is so weird how until you loose this privilege, of spending every night in the bed with the person you love, you are not even aware of what you are missing....until it is gone.

So, on the day of the flight I was particularly wired, and I didn’t even had coffee. I was scared of how am I going to feel when I see him, eager to kiss him all over, wondering if he will think I changed…a lot of things went through my head. Luckily, both of my flights were on time and other that somebody's freaking luggage falling from the damn overhead compartment on my head and cutting me right by my eye, everything else was fine. Can you believe that they said I cant even sue anybody for that?! But seriously, I was bleeding and the rude stewardess said there is nobody for me to sue! I said, "Come on! At least let me sue the airline!" Anyways, no scare, so I guess it is whatever.

All in all, I had a lot of fun on my two weeks vacation, it was challenging and all considering the whole situation, with my boyfriends mum being with us and all of my questions I had going there remained unanswered. Especially the big one, how long this whole long distance thing will last…but I did realize that I am the one who is able to decide on that as well, so I do have power as well, and I also got to know my boyfriend better in different situations. We fought and discussed our open ended discussion in circles, I cried and felt mislead, I felt as if he has been playing with me this whole time, we had fun and lought, in fact, spending time with him this past two weeks I laugh more than even before, he made me laugh so hard I cried, we both did.
We played games walking to movies and he hauled like a wolf walking down the street, while I was jumping around and dancing around him. It felt amazing waking up next to him every morning, and we kept our routine of me frantically half a sleep smacking all three alarm clocks and him grabbing my hands trying to stop me and hugging me to go back to sleep.

We are a great couple, him and I, we both work hard, have the same aspirations for the future (dog Duje, kids and all) and are equally afraid of getting hurt, but the good thing is that we also still both believe, and trust we will make it through all of this and make all of our dreams eventually come true.

He is truly caring, honest, respectful and getting more relaxed with me as time goes by, so this time being away from one another hasn’t damaged us as much as I expected it would. I still love him, even more than ever, I certainly admire his persistence and motivation, have more understanding for his needs, but I also trust he will make a right decision once the time for him comes to. I to might decide to take a different route, but one thing I know for sure, this man is worth of waiting for, and if we for some reason do not work out as a couple, I would always want him to stay a part of my life, because he does complete me, he makes me happy every second I spend with him and I do hope for a chance to give it a try on a real life with him.

Leaving NY I felt my soul detaching from my body on that airport and my heart going right with it, running after him and grabbing his hand, while my body continued with tears rolling down my face through the check in, and into the plain. It was hard, it still is, but we will make it.

Happy and better New 2009.Year to you all!



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